February 2012
54 posts
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“Did they, I wondered, these descendants of the creatures who, thousands of years...”
– My Dog Tulip, J.R. Ackerley
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getting locked in with the weirdos
The moment the doors are closed on any form of public transport everyone takes in one last breath before they are truly and utterly stuck with the riff raff, the rabble, and the ramshackle. These are the moments where everyone is caught in the headlights of how quite to word the derogatory tweet about them.
Today I got on a megabus (a not so mega long haul human convoy device made out of the...
H O U S E P A R T Y .
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“I’m into, oh murders and executions mostly. It depends.”
– American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
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getting grotty
Imagine if we all smelt like piss. Imagine if we were all as dirty as Ed Miliband threatens to be in the bedroom, nuzzling your gooch nasally with a quiet expectation for consensual non missionary sex. At climax, he probably screams, ‘why don’t you love me as much as my brother?’
At least Ed has sex. All David Cameron has is wrecked.
I wash once a day to the point that if I...
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“Hello, I’ve just ruined your life. Sorry about that.”
– My Alarm Clock
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trying to be charitable
Tomorrow morning I have to wake up at 4.30am. I did not know that this time existed in such a context. I understand waking up at 4.30pm. I understand going to bed at 4.30am. Nothing makes sense any more.
It’s for a good cause. It’s for charity. I am running around university halls banging on doors and waking up first years to throw them into the world of charity collecting on the...
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“Meet me down in Chi-Town
at Logan Square Underground.
You know the one, we...”
– Chi-Town, The Cribs
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developing a character #18
Results
Arthur responded violently to a sudden buzzing in the pocket of his trousers. He’d been stood on the hospital veranda smoking through a stolen packet of cigarettes from Gemma’s bag. His lungs heaved. He felt awake. He felt dead. The internet cafe was in sight but it was out of reach for now.
He opened the message. It was the third one in two days from someone he hadn’t heard from for a...
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“Sent to me from heaven,
Sally Cinnamon, you’re my world.”
– The Stone Roses
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trying to unlock the flavour
This may be the most trivial of nitpickings, a few minutes spent irate at multicoloured foil as if it was a moment of flatulence in a packed lift.
I cannot open the damn things. They’re locked shut in kevlar armour and, as soon as they are breached, armies of tiny undetectable soldiers seem to bung up the holes. These are the most intricate of safes. There is no combination to open the...
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“Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.”
– Princess Leia (and me when I’m revising)
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A Letter to a Boy She Once Admired
(A shot story type thing in the guise of a letter that I wrote on this, a most hungover day.)
I remember you used to be cool back then; you’d glow in a room of dusty desks, illuminating the remnants of a day’s teaching. There was an effortlessness to the way you strode down hallways like they were busy interchanges in a metropolis. I remember you used to be...
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This is a band made up of Mariko Doi and James...
I am going out alone. I am going to break boundaries never ventured past by stoical western man before. I am a lone wolf.
I’ll probably sit on my own getting drunk til I vomit. Living the dream.
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Anonymous asked: Okay, a while back you posted a band with a song called Chair. Well, idk if that's the name exactly but was wondering if you knew who the band was
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You’re not as real as I thought you were. You’re haunting the pages I read. But once you might have been someone, once you might have been me.
You’re not as good as I hoped for. You’re a pastiche of what came before. But once you might have been someone, once you might have been more.
You’re not the guy that I knew. you’re a raindrop on it’s way down. But once you might have been,...
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“But when he touched my hand like it was gold,
I want to pull away and say,...”
– I Wish I… - Blue Roses
One of favourite ever lyrics
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WatchI went to the HMV Next Big Thing gig last night at the Jazz Cafe, and short of getting a tad more drunk than I had initially planned, I saw Fiction live. My friend Simon has been saying good things for a while, and for me they were an absolute treat. Any band that swaps instruments and has three people playing percussion is a band that’s bang, bang banging away on my heart.
Big Things -...
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home harvesting
My food is cardboard. It is nothing more than chips of corrugation and styrofoam peas. I am a bag of recycling. I am last years exam notes.
I enjoy making food. I talk about it enough to justify it. My friend showed me a list on his phone yesterday entitled ‘food inspiration’. I had inspired him on one occasion. Tempted by the taste of chorizo, chickpeas and cous cous he wrote it...
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“Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in...”
– Ron Burgundy
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developing a character #17
Room 101
‘When I was at school,’ said Rosie, reluctant to release words for once, ‘we did like this public speaking thing. I must’ve been about thirteen. Twelve perhaps… We had to say three things we hated and wanted them put in this prison, or a room or something.’
‘Room 101?’
‘Yeah, Room 101. To this day I remember what I put in. First, it was football. My dad always hogged the TV on...
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I’m going to see a defunct australian folk band tonight.
The Middle East?
No I can’t afford to travel that far.
(my awful attempt at some of these)
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“Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot. They found...”
– Kirk Lazarus (Tropic Thunder)
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considering the menu
The most pivotal moment of mundanity arises not in the precarious moment before being executed on the internet by a man in a hood. Nor does it crop up during sexual encounters, ‘do I apologise now or…’
It’s at the dinner table that this moment happens. What the hell do I want to eat?
There’s only so long a dither can last, a few frustrating minutes freely...
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